(...)
Are you going to accept and allow this to continue? The only solution is the presence of self as the breath of self, as the moment. Place your attention here as self. Live attention as self. Apply self-attention. Because then, what do you express? [It] is you, as the moment, as the breath – oneness and equality as self, as all as one as equal! Then you won’t manifest, design and create what the elite want you to create – which is everything we fear and don’t want to exist in this world. Instead, we live here as self in every moment – and in that, we do not accept and allow what we have accepted and allowed to be done unto ourselves and everyone else, as ourselves in this world.
ATTENTION as Illuminati Fool Mankind
16 November 2007 Desteni
BLOG 1 -- Desteni I Process Assignment 7
Writing about my experience with the system design of attention diversion:
Attention diversion is when I allow and accept my attention divert onto something or someone else instead of self-attention is here as the breath, as the moment.
This of course happened a lot during my life time. Let me here pick some out that stands out to me: concerts. Because the other ones I could see a little bit as being from the ‘divide and conquer’ placement of the masses. As a kid I was into studying what was called the “bread and plays for the masses’ - now I understand that it is for the elite of this world to have the masses entertained while building ignorantly / blissfully their empire through letting us human beings believe that this is life as it is supposed to be. No different from the Egyptian period where the ‘elite‘ had people as slaves to build them pyramids for their afterlife wherein people believing nowadays that these structures are beautiful and shit - not seeing behind the veil.
So - I write here about attending concerts for a couple of years as an attention diversion in my life.
I recall my first time I went to a concert of the band Level 42 in Brussels when I was about 18. It was not so much I really wanted to go to - it was more the thing that the guy and his friends I hung out with (yes I did not call it relationships I had with guys, more “walking together”) had planned for it. I feared being at this concert - fearing that in the arena panic or fights would break out - which reflects me back to myself - I myself panicked and fought within myself as the mind. I was not comfortable with myself - I was not the constant here as breath instead experiencing insecurities within myself. The people were so “ out there” hip and I was such a dull / doll - I experienced myself as dull all my life as I studied a lot , coming from a little village in a rural area and being brought up ‘classical’ where modern music was not allowed- until a while ago I realised and was assured through the Desteni material that this life in and as the mind we ‘live’ here as human beings on earth is dulling and not real. The mind is dull - not me - I am fresh as breath. Here I see I allowed my attention being diverted away from within this systematic projected reality through the thought that “they had a life and I didn’t.
Allthough I realised that there is much more to life then is being realised- In effect I took this thought with me within my mind and did not release myself from it through self forgiveness. I ‘lived’ this thought bringing me in all kind of distractions / entertainment placements (place maths) that seemed real, but are merely experiences = not life.
Then I went on living my pre-programmed life existence- working, studying, going places - going more and more into the ‘alternative’ scene over ten years time. In 1994 I came in contact with females at the job I worked that were into going to concerts systematically. I was to a large extent aware that I wanted / desired this because of that thought that I had missed out on life due to my upbringing not being allowed to go out with boys. I wanted to relive my life in a way. Quite quick I’ve caught myself up in attending sometimes several concerts a week, sleeping little hours and hop to work. Meanwhile I changed my clothes into black and really enjoying myself within my new born rock girl identity and soon found myself in the ‘black metal scene’. This was the first time in my life I had accepted myself completely the way I was. When I heard that music ’ I was sold’ - to the devil although no one could persuade me that this was ‘wrong’/ ‘ negative’ / ‘bad’. I had not yet noticed that the doing ‘good’/ god people were the most self deceptive ones. Through interacting with these 'metallers' I found them most integer from the people that I had known. As a kid I had these ‘black’ dreams which I liked and here it was - the same sound as I heard as a kid - the screaming of myself inside my mind equal and one.
Within this scenery I became kind of an icone to people in the city I lived in as an untouchable creature and receiving offers to be exploited by television and magazines because of the cool way “I looked”.. An effect I didn’t like nor could change that through communication. The same effect others had had on me prior in my life I desrcribed in the start.
So at one time I spent Easter touring with this American metal band Machine Head in Germany as I had hooked up with one of the guitarists. This was finally ‘life’ because within my teen perception I was dull and had to have a life within exhilaration- though a life with and within nature was also appealing yet not realizable. Forcefully I had to retract myself out of the scene at the moment I was with another girl into organizing rock concerts and this huge attention was placed upon me when I was DJ’ing. I could not handle the personality I had made my own, not the attention that came along with it. I was not serious in this - I still got the notion that we were fooling around - but the girl and people I worked with were fully going for it. This was not received with thanks to say the least! I withdrew myself from the city to such an extent that I gave up my job, studies and all to go live /study in the nature of Australia. The realisation that it was not real was for me very hard - although I had to realise it - I had to work very hard on myself to get out of this mirage - until this day. So completely caught up within that picture presentation world. There was soo much attraction in how (wo)men looked, the brutal lyrics about what we had done and lived as humanity - as total opposite to what I grew up in where everything had to covered up in attention on another as ‘love’ whilst realising the utter deception of people talking shit about eachother.
This illusion ended as abruptly as it started when I met my former partner. Always with a ‘boyfriend’ ‘my life’ ended - now I understand I ended myself as the I as self attention as self direction as breath ended - and that it only ‘ended’ cause I have then to focus on daytoday living here with another one as me to take of (another illusion that” I have to take care of another” instead we all look after ourselves within equality and oneness). The earthing effect being with others I liked. Only the one- on- one living I find limiting. This question how come this me ending up in partner relationship each and every time - what the fuck - which I don’t want this way - I started to really ask myself seven years after having been in a relationship for 8 years where i had myself completely abandoned through getting very angry with the family / friends / village people placing their attention onto me and projecting themselves onto me - me not standing up for and as myself - instead taking in all the shit.
That was my world back then. Within this complete fuckedupness I started to place my attention on my partner within the idea / thought / efforts having to get him out of his drug addiction instead of realising it was my drug / suppression to having these thoughts / delusions I am able to get to other stop self abusing. Cause common sense is to see only one can help oneself and change through stopping being a slave to others through self forgiveness within self honesty, self corrective statements, breathing and writing. I stepped out of the triangle with my ex and his mom to be able to address myself to myself within solving what I had allowed and accepted in my world as within myself. Contaminated. Those people believed what was presented to them as this world which I heard as a child from Jesus / John not to do . Within that I existed here in a complete polar opposite of the other as myself which of course was rendering again the maximum outcome of thoughts / energy / shit. When and as I would speak up about the things are terribly wrong in this world I was brutally shut up / silenced just like we were kiddos and prescribed pills to take i n which indeed helped me to become an utter fool within suppressing my anger about all the misleading of this world. To my longtime understanding everything is misleading people (“volksverlakking” in dutch) and within misleading ourselves. So - I suppressed myself at the fringe of society for seven years till I stood up from it and threw the guy out of the house.
So this latest roomy I took in had the same addiction with black metal music but with him I found it all of a sudden not complete anymore - I mostly went alone or together alone with another. We went to a couple of concerts together within booking a hotel room to spent the night. This was in 2007 - two years after universe was inverted into oneness and I became aware of myself I started to step on the brake here. Like cures like. Attraction - repulsion. After attraction comes repulsion. I realise that with a partner / relationship / friend I have trouble placing my attention here as self deriving from the relation I had with my father. Love - hate. What / why did I allow and accept to happen ‘relationships’ with and within me: no self direction. Out of a relationship I have not experienced this at much. Time to sort myself - I had been focusing myself far too much on these guys as representatives from my father figure..
I as my partner don’t want attention in effect from the other - this deriving from the repulsion reaction from (one of) the parents directing us in a way into the maze of this world out of fear / survival through placing their attention on us instead of assisting and supporting us as themselves as here as equals.. The attention I place on Herman is a pattern I have adopted within self interest as all attention placed on someone else is self interest. Why not stay here as self-attention as breath as all as one as equal? Any reason / excuse / validation I have to place my attention on someone or something else is a delusion of the mind. I have being learned to place attention as knowledge and information on another to be able to survive in this world of knowledge is power. While the Real power is in breath. As if the other can’t live when we do not provide them / overflown with knowledge. So - I now realise that my father was overflowing us with knowledge and information within the starting point of fear that the other can’t live without. Mind = knowledge and information is not who we really are as breath here as the living word within and as the physical.
This is so cool of a placement to become aware of to be able to see where and when I go fuck with myself. We in this world are lead to believe to have to PAY attention to things outside ourselves ALL the time = the systems wanting / needing maximum return / yield / profit as thoughts, feelings and emotions as energy. Instead letting go of all attention / control on things outside ourselves to be able to live here free within breath constantly.
Thoughts I can identify:
I think that it is necessary to pay attention on H..
I think I have to re-educate H..
I have to motivate H. to do or not do things.
I find myself stupid for having placed my attention on someone and something outside myself.
I am fed up with myself that I am repeatedly placing my attention on H..
I am disappointed with myself for repeatedly let myself as self attention go astray in the attention placement on another.
That if I do not keep watch, observe, spectate, keep an eye on, mind, look out, watch out, attend, listen, listen carefully, take care, pay attention, guard, be careful of, pay attention to, be alert on Herman that my world will fall apart.
Thought I’ll be working with:
If I do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart.
Other components:
Emotions:
Fear
Words:
Control
Thought-construct:
Trigger point of the thought:
H. hanging around here without taking responsibility for all that needs to be taken care of.
Type of thought:
Attention diversion
Self-Forgiveness:
Self-Forgiveness on the thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought that if I do not pay attention to H.- the world here will fall apart instead of realising that it is only the mind can fall apart as everything substantial is here in the physical.
Self-Forgiveness on the trigger point of the thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect H. hanging around here without taking responsibility for all that needs to be taken care of to the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart instead of realising that I am not taking responsibility when I allow myself to be distracted from me here as breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to H. hanging around here without taking responsibility for all that needs to be taken care of to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart.
Self-Forgiveness on the type of thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted my attention to be diverted away and separate from me here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to be here as breath in every moment.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to follow my curiosity and ‘lose myself’ within entertainment while in the meantime not being aware of who I am here in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to abdicate my responsibility when I allow myself to be distracted.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be directed instead of directing myself in every here moment.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give my power away to whatever is ‘catching my attention’ in a moment.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within the attention diversion towards H.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel that keeping my attention on my self is like ignoring someone.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that if I have/ keep my attention on myself that some people might become angry that I don’t pay them enough attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to find it really annoying when someone puts their attention on me.
Self-Corrective Statements:
When and as I see myself participating in the thought that if I don’t pay attention to H. -the world here will fall apart - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to participate in the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart, because I realise that only the mind can fall apart as everything substantial is here in the physical. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself connecting H. hanging around here without taking responsibility for all that needs to be taken care of to he thought that if do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to connect H. hanging around here to the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. -the world here will fall apart, because I realise that only the mind can fall apart as everything substantial is here as the physical. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself H. hanging around here without taking responsibility for all that needs to be taken care exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. then the world will fall apart - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept H. hanging around here without taking responsibility for all that needs to be taken care of to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. the world here will fall apart, because I realise that I am not taking responsibility when I allow myself to be distracted from me here as breath. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I realise my attention to be diverted away and separate from me here - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself my attention to be diverted away and separate from me here, because I realise that who I am is here as self-attention as breath. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I realise that I do not allow and accept myself to be here as breath in every moment - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to not be here as breath in every moment. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I realise myself that I am following my curiosity and ‘lose myself’ within entertainment while in the meantime not being aware of who I am here in the moment - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to follow my curiosity and ‘lose myself’ within entertainment while in the meantime not being aware of who I am here in the moment. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility when I allow myself to be distracted - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to abdicate my responsibility when I allow myself to be distracted, because I realise I am not being self directive but I am being directed by my distraction. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself being directed instead of directing myself in every here moment - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to be directed instead of directing myself in every here moment. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself give my power away to whatever is ‘catching my attention’ in a moment - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to give my power away to whatever is ‘catching my attention’ in a moment. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating within the attention diversion towards H. - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within the system of attention diversion to H.. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as see myself participating in feeling that keeping my attention on my self is like ignoring someone - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to participate in feeling that keeping my attention on my self is like ignoring someone, instead of realising me here as self attention is being equal and one and can never be ignoring soomeone. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participate in fear that if I have/ keep my attention on myself that some people might become angry that I don’t pay them enough attention - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to fear that if I have / keep my attention on myself that some people might become angry that I don’t pay them ‘enough attention’. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself find it really annoying when someone puts their attention on me - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to find it really annoying when someone puts their attention on me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
The emotion:
Specific type / ‘shade’ of emotion:
Helplessness
Reason for connecting thought to emotion:
I realise that I am ‘stuck’ within my current experience and that there is no other solution to solve what is bothering me then me here specifying my Self Forgiveness.
Feeling helpness if I don't pay attention to H..
Self-Forgiveness:
Self-Forgiveness on emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart to an emotional experience of fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself to fear as what I am.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in fear towards H. through putting my attention on him instead of placing my attention as and on me here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react with fear towards H. within putting my attention on him instead of me here as self-attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in fear within allowing my attention to divert on someone else.
Self-Forgiveness on type / ‘shade’ of emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that if I don’t put my attention on H. - the world here will fall apart to an emotional experience of helplessness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within an emotional experience of helplessness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience helplessness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect ‘helplessness’ to fear- and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be helpless.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience helplessness to a state of physical paralysis.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as not being able to help myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to divert my attention on H. because I feel helpless.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to give myself up within the emotional experience of helplessness.
Self-Forgiveness on connecting thought with emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ‘stuck‘ within my current experience.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to pay attention to H. - otherwise my world will fall apart instead of realising it is only my mind that can fall apart.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into an emotional experience of fear because I feel helpless within placing my attention on H..
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me.
Self-Corrective statements:
When and as I see myself connecting the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. - the world here will fall apart to an emotional experience of fear - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that if I do not pay attention to H. -the world here will fall apart to an emotional experience of fear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself define myself to fear as what I am - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself to fear as what I am, because I realise I am not being directive, but I am being directed by emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating in fear towards H. through putting my attention on him instead of placing my attention as and on me here - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to participate in fear towards H. through putting my attention on him instead of placing my attention as and on me here, because I realise that the attention placement ‘outside myself’ is a con of my consciousness. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting with fear towards H. within putting my attention on him instead of me here as self-attention - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to react with fear towards H. within putting my attention on him instead of me here as self-attention, because I realise that who I am is here as self-attention. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting in fear within allowing my attention to divert on someone else - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to react in fear within allowing my attention to divert on someone else. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself to connecting the thought that if I don’t put my attention on H. - the world here will fall apart to an emotional experience of helplessness - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that if I do not put attention on H. - the world here will fall apart to an emotional experience of helplessness, because I realise I am not being self -directive but being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating within an emotional experience of helplessness - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within an emotional experience of helplessness. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and I see myself experiencing helplessness - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to experience helplessness, because I realise I am not directing myself but I am being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself connecting ‘helplessness’ to fear - and thus fearing my own fear - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to connect ‘helplessness ‘ to fear - and thus fearing my own fear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself defining myself a being helpless - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself as helpless, because I realise I am not being self directive but directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing helplessness to a state of physical paralysis - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to experience helplessness to a state of physical paralysis. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself not being able to help myself - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself as unable to help myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself to diverting my attention on H. because I feel helpless - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to divert my attention on H. because I feel helpless. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself giving myself up within the emotional experience of helplessness - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to give myself up within an emotionl experience of helplessness, because I realise I can’t give myself up as I am here as absolute as breath. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself being ‘stuck‘ within my current experience - I stop, I breath - I do not allow and accept myself to be ‘stuck‘ within my current experience, because I realise being ‘stuck’ is of the mind and not real. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to pay attention to H. - otherwise my world will fall apart- I stop, I breath- I do not allow and accept myself to react in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to pay attention t H. - other wise my world will fall apart, because I realise it is only my mind that can fall apart. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself going into an emotional experience of fear because I feel helpless within placing my attention on H. - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to go into an emotional experience of fear because I feel helpless within placing my attention on H.. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to experience fear because I realise that there is no quick solution that will make everything better and will solve everything that I bothering me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
Redefining word: control
Definition: con·trol
verb (used with object)1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
2. to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one's emotions.
3. to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallel experimentt or other standard of comparison.
4. to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire.
5. Obsolete . to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.
noun
6. the act or power of controlling; regulation; domination or command: Who's in control here?
7. the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another: The car is out of control.
8. check or restraint: Her anger is under control.
9. a legal or official means of regulation or restraint: to institute wage and price controls.
10. Statistics . control variable ( def. 1 ) .
11. a person who acts as a check; controller.
12. a device for regulating and guiding a machine, as a motor or airplane.
13. controls, a coordinated arrangement of such devices.
14. prevention of the flourishing or spread of something undesirable: rodent control.
15. Baseball . the ability of a pitcher to throw the ball into the strike zone consistently: The rookie pitcher has great power but no control.
16. Philately . any device printed on a postage or revenue stamp to authenticate it as a government issue or to identify it for bookkeeping purposes.
17. a spiritual agency believed to assist a medium at a séance.
18. the supervisor to whom an espionage agent reports when in the field.
Origin:
1425–75; late Middle English co ( u ) ntrollen (v.) < Anglo-French contreroller to keep a duplicate account or roll, derivative of contrerolle (noun). See counter-, roll
Synonyms
1. manage, govern, rule. 2. restrain, bridle, constrain. 6. management, government, reign, rule, mastery. See authority.
Sounding the word:
Con trol
Co nt rol (go and roll)
Cont rol (‘cont’ sounds in dutch as butt - ‘rol’ as part playing)
New definition:
Control is the experience of myself where I direct myself to stay here as self-attention as breath in every moment.
