BLOG 1
Writing about My Experience with the System Design of Procrastination.
What I recognize as procrastination as for example within my high school years is where I had a vast amount of homework /subjects and was always afraid of not getting it done. This implied that I was always doing my homework - always being preoccupied with my school things to do because of the fear if I was gonna procrastinate I would be worse of. So I realised myself to not procrastinate things to not frustrate myself and thought that everybody realised that to be most efficient. I could see there being a tendency in my mind to postpone, but it is not to allow and accept that - the thing to do won’t go away hein? What I also saw was that people who went to study ‘for exams’ after a period of procrastination would forget the material they had studied - whereas I sat with myself with the stuff as if it was all there was - dying of the fear if ‘I would make it’. (In another process blog I wrote thereof the ‘feeling’ came I had no life and others did). Procrastinating breath as life.
Later on in my life where I got to university studying law I worked a day time job to finance my study expenses - I went into the procrastinating studying daily because I also felt the urge to go out at nights. As a result I ended up studying at the end of a ‘block’ / 6 weeks sitting in the university library for weeks from mornings till nights (within these periods I was only focused on studying and no side tracks). From the perspective of grades it worked fine as I got fine grades (except for criminal law as I did not accept the definition of guilt). I preferred doing physical things and had built a hate towards sitting studying so much. This is in fact procrastination and has become of system of me which also shows within my Desteni I process and does not support me - I somehow divide the time into studying / chores and not studying instead of realising it as equal and one. Deconstructing that.
What I have discovered is that I have different approaches towards physical chores and non physical chores. Physical chores I take on quite immediately and with more pleasure than I take on the non physical chores / assignments . The latter I take on after thinking it through while all the while fear is hanging over my head for no being able to finish in time. Therefore I see have the tendency to procrastinate doing non physical things because in my life experience I had had forced myself to sit and (l)earn so much. I have adopted this way form high school where I as the material as myself not being able to put into practical application and led (me) to nowhere really as we see in the world with all its knowledge and information has not brought us life. To balance this out I went to do a lot of physical (over) activities.
From on extreme into an other...
In my relating towards the male beings I (have) live(d) with - this system design has gotten me into a lot of frustration / trouble. I’ll explain myself. Already within my first long term ‘boyfriend’ relationship [ the ‘real’ first relationships are with our parents] I had from age 18-22 I was with a male being we had trouble with simply here doing things that had to be done. This was being done for him by his mom and because he would not act I would not act - completely no self direction. And so were my two relationships after. I go play the mother role - taking over i.e. my mind taking over out of fear stuff doesn’t get done (herein also with an overlay of not daring to ask for help I wrote about in another process blog).
The previous relationship was with someone that didn’t do anything out of himself - procrastinating almost everything until this very day. Soon after I got myself stuck within a ‘relationship’ with him and his mom wherein I gave up completely as well doing things. I clearly remember giving up after my Australia debacle. I remember I was sitting in the door opening in their house. So - again I checked in into the mind reality because this system existed within others and thus in me through allowing and accepting it within another as me!
I see the procrastination. What is it I do procrastinate within myself?
It’s the mother system demon to mother another being in which I take others responsibility of their hands whereas I - taking on far too much and creating a being that is dependant which I don’t want in fact, but my mind does in times of survival. Both my last two relationships I had no means of funding myself.. I am being programmed I have to stand ‘by my man’ - the female slavery design. The fact that I have other things to do then a matrix job (father talk) and caring for the household (mother talk) is very weird to my family for instance. “We can’t comprehend what you are busy with, Sylvie”. So - what do I procrastinate - I must be procrastinating directing myself to undertake what I am here to do - as what I realised as a child I am not on earth for having a relationship solely - we are here to realise heaven on earth as equality meaning for and as myself restarting my practice in physical assistance and how to get physical. I procrastinate realising making a plan to apply myself , direct myself as equality and oneness as life supporting others as myself here to see what is going on.
Being guided by people / events outside myself when I am in relation with a specific person.
I am procrastinating to free myself from my enslavement to emotions and to expand myself through applying and living myself here as breath.
Expanding the mind / emotions vs. expanding self as one as equal as all.
Thoughts I can identify within my writing:
Self first feels egoistic.
It feels wrong / egoist if I don’t create my life around my partner.
I have to go away to be able to direct / lead myself.
I am never gonna get out of this mind programming.
I don’t have a life.
It feels egoistic enjoying myself.
Thought I’ll be working with:
It is egoistic to not create my life around a partner.
Other components:
Emotions:
Fear
Words:
Life
Thought-construct:
Trigger point of the thought:
Getting worked up over my petty little life.
Type of thought:
Procrastination
Self-Forgiveness:
Self-Forgiveness on the thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought that it is egoistic that I do not create my life around a partner instead of realising it is me that is procrastinating creating a life of equality and oneness as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/ believe how egoistic is defined in this world is what egoistic really is - instead of realising self first is not egoistic, but the other first is actually egoism.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe from the ones (mother sins) that have gone before me that I have to place the other one first and work myself around others instead of realising this is getting me twisted.
Self-Forgiveness on the trigger point of the thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect getting worked up about my petty little life to the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner instead of realising that I am capable of creating a life for all as one as equal as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself getting worked up about my petty little life to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner.
Self-Forgiveness on the type of thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be trapped in the ‘now’ of consciousness by not doing what I require of myself to be done in a moment, thereby accumulating ‘unfulfilled’ moments within myself whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments - and thus of the past.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment direct myself within what is here and needs to be done - in the moment , immediately.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do anything, unless I can see an unpleasant consequence if I am not to do what I require to do – in the near future.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to unconditionally move myself in every moment – but instead, put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don’t quickly do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get into trouble.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me instead of me moving myself as me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted punishment and reward to exist as the two motivators in my world, in myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only do something if I will be rewarded for it, or if not doing it will cause me to experience punishment.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate myself creating myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into procrastination within my mind when I am in a relationship with a man.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have seen this system of effacing myself as a kid / teen in my (grand) mother but not act on it and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to change myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted to see / realise / understand that effacing myself equals procrastinating to live me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ignore myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to neglect myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to realise that this system of effacing / ignoring / neglecting myself has been so devastating on myself and the physical, that it had to come to the manifested consequence of almost becoming completely invalid instead of realising the double bottom of ‘invalid’.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to efface / ignore / neglect myself to the extend that I almost had to go into a wheelchair.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not direct myself within everything I do instead of separating things
Self-Corrective Statements:
When and as I realise myself the thought that it is egoistic that I do not create my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself the thought that it is egoistic that I do not create my life around a partner, because I realise it is me that is procrastinating creating a life of equality and oneness as myself. Instead - I direct myself within recreating myself as oneness and equality as all life here.
When and as I realise myself thinking / believing how egoistic is defined in this world is what egoistic really is -I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to think / believe that how egoistic is defined in this world is what egoistic really is, because I realise self first is not egoistic, but the other first is actually egoism. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me sorting out the mess of thoughts, feelings and emotions I created inside myself.
When and as I see myself believing from the ones (mother sins) that have gone before me that I have to place the other one first and work myself around others - stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to believe from the ones (mothers sins) that have gone before me that I have to place the other one first and work myself around others, because I realise this is getting me twisted. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility within directing myself as breath here as all as one as equal.
When and as I see myself connecting getting worked up about my petty little life to the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect getting worked up about my petty little life to the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner, because I realise that I am capable of creating a life for all as one as equal as myself. Instead -I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that I bothering me.
When and as I see myself getting worked up about my petty little life to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to get worked up about my petty little life to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that is egoistic to not create my life around a partner, because I realise I am not being self directive , but I am being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that I bothering me.
When and as I see myself procrastinate - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to procrastinate , because I realise I am fucking myself up and not taking action is procrastination. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that I bothering me.
When and as I see myself to be trapped in the ‘now’ of consciousness by not doing what I require of myself to be done in a moment, thereby accumulating ‘unfulfilled’ moments within myself whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments - and thus of the past - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to be trapped in the ‘now’ of consciousness by not doing what I require of myself to be done in a moment, because I realise I am accumulating ‘unfulfilled’ moments within myself whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments - and thus of the past. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself to not walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment direct myself within what is here and needs to be done - in the moment , immediately - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to not walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment direct myself within what is here and needs to be done, because I realise I can only direct myself in breath and not in thoughts, feelings and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself do anything, unless I can see an unpleasant consequence if I am not to do what I require to do – in the near future - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to do anything, unless I can see an unpleasant consequence if I am not to do what I require to do - in the near future. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself not unconditionally move myself in every moment – but instead, put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don’t quickly do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get into trouble - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to not unconditionally move myself in every moment– and thus I do not allow and accept myself to put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don’t quickly do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get into trouble. Instead - I direct myself unconditionally here as self-movement as breath.
When and as I see the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me, because I realise I move myself as me. Instead - I direct myself unconditionally here as self-movement as breath within the principle what’ s best for all.
When and as I see punishment and reward to exist as the two motivators in my world, in myself - I stop, I breathe - I do no allow and accept myself punishment and reward exist as the two motivators in my world, in myself, because I realise I ma not being self directive but being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself only do something if I will be rewarded for it, or if not doing it will cause me to experience punishment - i stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to do something if I will be rewarded for it, or if not doing it will cause me to experience punishment. Instead - I move myself here unregarding the reward.
When and as I see myself procrastinate myself creating myself as all life - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to procrastinate myself recreating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself going into procrastination within my mind because I believe I should put H. first (when I am in a relationship with a man) - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to go into procrastination within my mind and I do not allow myself to participate in the pattern of placing my partner first (when I am in relationship), because I realise I am keeping myself from creating a life of equality and oneness as myself. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do.
When and as I realise myself having seen this system of effacing myself as a kid / teen in my (grand) mother but not act on it and thus when and as I realise myself that I haven’t allowed myself to change myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself having seen this system of effacing myself as a kid / teen in my (grand)mother and not changing myself. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself within changing myself as life as all as one as equal.
When and as I see / realise / understand that effacing myself equals procrastinating to live me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow myself to efface myself because I realise that effacing myself equals procrastination and I am procrastinating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility within directing myself here as breath.
When and as I realise myself ignoring myself - I stop, i breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to ignore myself, because I realise life can not be ignored. Instead - I direct myself within applying myself as the physical as the substance of me.
When and as I see myself neglecting myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to neglect myself, because I realise negligence is of the mind and not who I am. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is keeping me from living me here as breath.
When and as I see myself not direct myself within everything I do instead of separating things into house matters, Desteni matters and such - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to not direct myself within everything I do, because I realise I am separating things that need to be done into house matters, Desteni matters and other. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
The emotion:
Fear
Specific type / ‘shade’ of emotion:
Rejection
Reason for connecting thought to emotion:
Getting afraid when people discover I do not
Self-Forgiveness:
Self-Forgiveness on emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself to fear as what I am.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in fear towards creating myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in / with fear towards recreating myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear procrastination.
Self-Forgiveness on type / ‘shade’ of emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of rejection.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within an emotional experience of rejection.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect ‘rejection’ to fear - and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear of rejection when I openly declare that my partner does not come first and everything is reversed, but each self first to sort out the mess within.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience rejection if I don’t do everything for my partner
Self-Forgiveness on connecting thought with emotion:
I forgive myself that i have allowed and accepted myself to be ‘stuck ‘within my current experience .
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around my partner instead of realising that we are here to learn to understand who we are as oneness and equality of life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into an emotional experience of fear because I fear rejection within not creating my life around a partner.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me.
Self-Corrective statements:
When and as I see myself connecting the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of fear - I stop, I breathe -I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that it is egoistic to no create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of fear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself defining myself to fear as what I am - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself to fear as what I am. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating in fear towards creating myself as life - I stop, breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate in fear towards creating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting in / with fear towards recreating myself as life - I stop, I breathe - I d not allow and accept myself to react in / with fear towards recreating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself fearing procrastination - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to fear procrastination, because I realise I am fearing my own fear . Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself connecting the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of rejection - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of rejection. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating within an emotional experience of rejection - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within an emotional experience of rejection. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself connecting ‘rejection’ to fear - and thus when and as I see myself fearing my own fear - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect ‘rejection’ to fear - and thus I do not accept and allow myself to fear my own fear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing fear of rejection when I openly for others, or just t myself, declare that my partner does not come first and everything is reversed - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience fear of rejection when I openly for others, or just to myself, declare that my partner does not come first and everything is reversed, because I realise each has to sort out first the mess called thought, feelings and emotions in self. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing rejection if I don’t do everything for my partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience rejection if I don’t do everything for my partner, because I realise it is my starting point doings for and as myself that is a self honest starting point. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself being ‘stuck‘ within my current experience - I stop, I breathe -I do not allow and accept myself to be ‘stuck’ within my current experience. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around my partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to react in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around my partner, because I realise that we are all here to learn to understand who we are as oneness and equality of life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself going into an emotional experience of fear because I fear rejection within not creating my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to go into an emotional experience of fear, because I realise I fear rejection by the villagers within not creating my life around an other. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
Redefining word:
New definition:
Life is the experience of myself where I do not place value in or on another being or thing but in and as myself as a self-breathing organism.
What I recognize as procrastination as for example within my high school years is where I had a vast amount of homework /subjects and was always afraid of not getting it done. This implied that I was always doing my homework - always being preoccupied with my school things to do because of the fear if I was gonna procrastinate I would be worse of. So I realised myself to not procrastinate things to not frustrate myself and thought that everybody realised that to be most efficient. I could see there being a tendency in my mind to postpone, but it is not to allow and accept that - the thing to do won’t go away hein? What I also saw was that people who went to study ‘for exams’ after a period of procrastination would forget the material they had studied - whereas I sat with myself with the stuff as if it was all there was - dying of the fear if ‘I would make it’. (In another process blog I wrote thereof the ‘feeling’ came I had no life and others did). Procrastinating breath as life.
Later on in my life where I got to university studying law I worked a day time job to finance my study expenses - I went into the procrastinating studying daily because I also felt the urge to go out at nights. As a result I ended up studying at the end of a ‘block’ / 6 weeks sitting in the university library for weeks from mornings till nights (within these periods I was only focused on studying and no side tracks). From the perspective of grades it worked fine as I got fine grades (except for criminal law as I did not accept the definition of guilt). I preferred doing physical things and had built a hate towards sitting studying so much. This is in fact procrastination and has become of system of me which also shows within my Desteni I process and does not support me - I somehow divide the time into studying / chores and not studying instead of realising it as equal and one. Deconstructing that.
What I have discovered is that I have different approaches towards physical chores and non physical chores. Physical chores I take on quite immediately and with more pleasure than I take on the non physical chores / assignments . The latter I take on after thinking it through while all the while fear is hanging over my head for no being able to finish in time. Therefore I see have the tendency to procrastinate doing non physical things because in my life experience I had had forced myself to sit and (l)earn so much. I have adopted this way form high school where I as the material as myself not being able to put into practical application and led (me) to nowhere really as we see in the world with all its knowledge and information has not brought us life. To balance this out I went to do a lot of physical (over) activities.
From on extreme into an other...
In my relating towards the male beings I (have) live(d) with - this system design has gotten me into a lot of frustration / trouble. I’ll explain myself. Already within my first long term ‘boyfriend’ relationship [ the ‘real’ first relationships are with our parents] I had from age 18-22 I was with a male being we had trouble with simply here doing things that had to be done. This was being done for him by his mom and because he would not act I would not act - completely no self direction. And so were my two relationships after. I go play the mother role - taking over i.e. my mind taking over out of fear stuff doesn’t get done (herein also with an overlay of not daring to ask for help I wrote about in another process blog).
The previous relationship was with someone that didn’t do anything out of himself - procrastinating almost everything until this very day. Soon after I got myself stuck within a ‘relationship’ with him and his mom wherein I gave up completely as well doing things. I clearly remember giving up after my Australia debacle. I remember I was sitting in the door opening in their house. So - again I checked in into the mind reality because this system existed within others and thus in me through allowing and accepting it within another as me!
I see the procrastination. What is it I do procrastinate within myself?
It’s the mother system demon to mother another being in which I take others responsibility of their hands whereas I - taking on far too much and creating a being that is dependant which I don’t want in fact, but my mind does in times of survival. Both my last two relationships I had no means of funding myself.. I am being programmed I have to stand ‘by my man’ - the female slavery design. The fact that I have other things to do then a matrix job (father talk) and caring for the household (mother talk) is very weird to my family for instance. “We can’t comprehend what you are busy with, Sylvie”. So - what do I procrastinate - I must be procrastinating directing myself to undertake what I am here to do - as what I realised as a child I am not on earth for having a relationship solely - we are here to realise heaven on earth as equality meaning for and as myself restarting my practice in physical assistance and how to get physical. I procrastinate realising making a plan to apply myself , direct myself as equality and oneness as life supporting others as myself here to see what is going on.
Being guided by people / events outside myself when I am in relation with a specific person.
I am procrastinating to free myself from my enslavement to emotions and to expand myself through applying and living myself here as breath.
Expanding the mind / emotions vs. expanding self as one as equal as all.
Thoughts I can identify within my writing:
Self first feels egoistic.
It feels wrong / egoist if I don’t create my life around my partner.
I have to go away to be able to direct / lead myself.
I am never gonna get out of this mind programming.
I don’t have a life.
It feels egoistic enjoying myself.
Thought I’ll be working with:
It is egoistic to not create my life around a partner.
Other components:
Emotions:
Fear
Words:
Life
Thought-construct:
Trigger point of the thought:
Getting worked up over my petty little life.
Type of thought:
Procrastination
Self-Forgiveness:
Self-Forgiveness on the thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought that it is egoistic that I do not create my life around a partner instead of realising it is me that is procrastinating creating a life of equality and oneness as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/ believe how egoistic is defined in this world is what egoistic really is - instead of realising self first is not egoistic, but the other first is actually egoism.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe from the ones (mother sins) that have gone before me that I have to place the other one first and work myself around others instead of realising this is getting me twisted.
Self-Forgiveness on the trigger point of the thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect getting worked up about my petty little life to the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner instead of realising that I am capable of creating a life for all as one as equal as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself getting worked up about my petty little life to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner.
Self-Forgiveness on the type of thought:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be trapped in the ‘now’ of consciousness by not doing what I require of myself to be done in a moment, thereby accumulating ‘unfulfilled’ moments within myself whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments - and thus of the past.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment direct myself within what is here and needs to be done - in the moment , immediately.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do anything, unless I can see an unpleasant consequence if I am not to do what I require to do – in the near future.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to unconditionally move myself in every moment – but instead, put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don’t quickly do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get into trouble.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me instead of me moving myself as me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted punishment and reward to exist as the two motivators in my world, in myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only do something if I will be rewarded for it, or if not doing it will cause me to experience punishment.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate myself creating myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into procrastination within my mind when I am in a relationship with a man.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have seen this system of effacing myself as a kid / teen in my (grand) mother but not act on it and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to change myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted to see / realise / understand that effacing myself equals procrastinating to live me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ignore myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to neglect myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to realise that this system of effacing / ignoring / neglecting myself has been so devastating on myself and the physical, that it had to come to the manifested consequence of almost becoming completely invalid instead of realising the double bottom of ‘invalid’.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to efface / ignore / neglect myself to the extend that I almost had to go into a wheelchair.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not direct myself within everything I do instead of separating things
Self-Corrective Statements:
When and as I realise myself the thought that it is egoistic that I do not create my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself the thought that it is egoistic that I do not create my life around a partner, because I realise it is me that is procrastinating creating a life of equality and oneness as myself. Instead - I direct myself within recreating myself as oneness and equality as all life here.
When and as I realise myself thinking / believing how egoistic is defined in this world is what egoistic really is -I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to think / believe that how egoistic is defined in this world is what egoistic really is, because I realise self first is not egoistic, but the other first is actually egoism. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me sorting out the mess of thoughts, feelings and emotions I created inside myself.
When and as I see myself believing from the ones (mother sins) that have gone before me that I have to place the other one first and work myself around others - stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to believe from the ones (mothers sins) that have gone before me that I have to place the other one first and work myself around others, because I realise this is getting me twisted. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility within directing myself as breath here as all as one as equal.
When and as I see myself connecting getting worked up about my petty little life to the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect getting worked up about my petty little life to the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner, because I realise that I am capable of creating a life for all as one as equal as myself. Instead -I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that I bothering me.
When and as I see myself getting worked up about my petty little life to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to get worked up about my petty little life to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that is egoistic to not create my life around a partner, because I realise I am not being self directive , but I am being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that I bothering me.
When and as I see myself procrastinate - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to procrastinate , because I realise I am fucking myself up and not taking action is procrastination. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that I bothering me.
When and as I see myself to be trapped in the ‘now’ of consciousness by not doing what I require of myself to be done in a moment, thereby accumulating ‘unfulfilled’ moments within myself whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments - and thus of the past - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to be trapped in the ‘now’ of consciousness by not doing what I require of myself to be done in a moment, because I realise I am accumulating ‘unfulfilled’ moments within myself whereby I am literally still trapped in those moments - and thus of the past. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself to not walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment direct myself within what is here and needs to be done - in the moment , immediately - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to not walk as breath, wherein I, in every moment direct myself within what is here and needs to be done, because I realise I can only direct myself in breath and not in thoughts, feelings and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself do anything, unless I can see an unpleasant consequence if I am not to do what I require to do – in the near future - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to do anything, unless I can see an unpleasant consequence if I am not to do what I require to do - in the near future. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself not unconditionally move myself in every moment – but instead, put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don’t quickly do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get into trouble - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to not unconditionally move myself in every moment– and thus I do not allow and accept myself to put things off to a later moment, until I am almost too late and see that if I don’t quickly do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get into trouble. Instead - I direct myself unconditionally here as self-movement as breath.
When and as I see the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself the threat and anticipation of trouble to move me, because I realise I move myself as me. Instead - I direct myself unconditionally here as self-movement as breath within the principle what’ s best for all.
When and as I see punishment and reward to exist as the two motivators in my world, in myself - I stop, I breathe - I do no allow and accept myself punishment and reward exist as the two motivators in my world, in myself, because I realise I ma not being self directive but being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself only do something if I will be rewarded for it, or if not doing it will cause me to experience punishment - i stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to do something if I will be rewarded for it, or if not doing it will cause me to experience punishment. Instead - I move myself here unregarding the reward.
When and as I see myself procrastinate myself creating myself as all life - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to procrastinate myself recreating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
When and as I see myself going into procrastination within my mind because I believe I should put H. first (when I am in a relationship with a man) - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to go into procrastination within my mind and I do not allow myself to participate in the pattern of placing my partner first (when I am in relationship), because I realise I am keeping myself from creating a life of equality and oneness as myself. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do.
When and as I realise myself having seen this system of effacing myself as a kid / teen in my (grand) mother but not act on it and thus when and as I realise myself that I haven’t allowed myself to change myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself having seen this system of effacing myself as a kid / teen in my (grand)mother and not changing myself. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself within changing myself as life as all as one as equal.
When and as I see / realise / understand that effacing myself equals procrastinating to live me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow myself to efface myself because I realise that effacing myself equals procrastination and I am procrastinating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility within directing myself here as breath.
When and as I realise myself ignoring myself - I stop, i breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to ignore myself, because I realise life can not be ignored. Instead - I direct myself within applying myself as the physical as the substance of me.
When and as I see myself neglecting myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to neglect myself, because I realise negligence is of the mind and not who I am. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is keeping me from living me here as breath.
When and as I see myself not direct myself within everything I do instead of separating things into house matters, Desteni matters and such - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to not direct myself within everything I do, because I realise I am separating things that need to be done into house matters, Desteni matters and other. Instead - I face my current reality and direct myself to do what I require of myself to do in a moment.
The emotion:
Fear
Specific type / ‘shade’ of emotion:
Rejection
Reason for connecting thought to emotion:
Getting afraid when people discover I do not
Self-Forgiveness:
Self-Forgiveness on emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself to fear as what I am.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in fear towards creating myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in / with fear towards recreating myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear procrastination.
Self-Forgiveness on type / ‘shade’ of emotion:
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of rejection.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within an emotional experience of rejection.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect ‘rejection’ to fear - and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear of rejection when I openly declare that my partner does not come first and everything is reversed, but each self first to sort out the mess within.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience rejection if I don’t do everything for my partner
Self-Forgiveness on connecting thought with emotion:
I forgive myself that i have allowed and accepted myself to be ‘stuck ‘within my current experience .
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around my partner instead of realising that we are here to learn to understand who we are as oneness and equality of life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into an emotional experience of fear because I fear rejection within not creating my life around a partner.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me.
Self-Corrective statements:
When and as I see myself connecting the thought it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of fear - I stop, I breathe -I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that it is egoistic to no create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of fear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself defining myself to fear as what I am - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself to fear as what I am. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating in fear towards creating myself as life - I stop, breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate in fear towards creating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting in / with fear towards recreating myself as life - I stop, I breathe - I d not allow and accept myself to react in / with fear towards recreating myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself fearing procrastination - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to fear procrastination, because I realise I am fearing my own fear . Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself connecting the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of rejection - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around a partner to an emotional experience of rejection. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself participating within an emotional experience of rejection - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within an emotional experience of rejection. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself connecting ‘rejection’ to fear - and thus when and as I see myself fearing my own fear - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect ‘rejection’ to fear - and thus I do not accept and allow myself to fear my own fear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing fear of rejection when I openly for others, or just t myself, declare that my partner does not come first and everything is reversed - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience fear of rejection when I openly for others, or just to myself, declare that my partner does not come first and everything is reversed, because I realise each has to sort out first the mess called thought, feelings and emotions in self. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing rejection if I don’t do everything for my partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience rejection if I don’t do everything for my partner, because I realise it is my starting point doings for and as myself that is a self honest starting point. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself being ‘stuck‘ within my current experience - I stop, I breathe -I do not allow and accept myself to be ‘stuck’ within my current experience. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself reacting in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around my partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to react in fear when I am being confronted with the thought that it is egoistic to not create my life around my partner, because I realise that we are all here to learn to understand who we are as oneness and equality of life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself going into an emotional experience of fear because I fear rejection within not creating my life around a partner - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to go into an emotional experience of fear, because I realise I fear rejection by the villagers within not creating my life around an other. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself experiencing fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience fear because I realise that there is not quick solution that will make everything better and solve everything that is bothering me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
Redefining word:
New definition:
Life is the experience of myself where I do not place value in or on another being or thing but in and as myself as a self-breathing organism.
