Pagina's

woensdag 22 februari 2012

2012: My experience with the System Design of Beauty (DIP Assignment 7)

BLOG 4


Nothing is what it seems and All is in reverse.


Writing about my experience with the system design of beauty.

Within my youngest experiences with beauty I heard two “teachings”:
“Het oog wil ook wat” - “The eye also wants something” from my father. And “Van een mooie tafel kun je niet eten” - “You can not eat from a beautiful table” from my mom.

Within my upbringing I was being dressed /drilled with skirts as to portray ’ femininity’ and please the eye of the father figure / public eye. Also within not understanding why I could not go outside putting other clothes on I experienced through adapting an alternative style and the remarks and perceptions thereof. What would it matter what anyone wears? Apparently a whole lot as this would entail whether one is accepted within the system or not. Interesting shit.

As a polarity design I developed the counterfact of beauty and came to wear “ugly” clothes - black and with holes and stuff. This also gave me a feeling of safety to not be attractive for most people (see picture above). This “pushing off” with my appearence personality served to suppress within me the fear of attracting men I couldn’t get rid off otherwise once they had set their mind onto me.. I wanted to be left alone and not be a sexual object.

Within this I had ‘control’ who was or was not gonna approach me after a history of unwanted sollicitations. As a’ side-effect’ I learned there is no such a thing as “without brow of persons” as I learned from Jesus.

Quite a puzzle..

So - after whole my life going back and forth within my mind within the design of beauty I can let go of makeup since the last year altogether because I am now in the process of realising myself as one and equal as life accepting myself the way I look / who I am. Not to look outside myself “how it / I is supposed to be”). I thought my face was nude (another saying while I was growing up: “een blote konten kop”) and I perceived this as ‘bad’ / not ‘ good’ enough.


Thought I’ll be working with:


I have to look a certain way.


Other components:

Emotion:

Insecurity

Word:

Nonconformity


The Thought:


Trigger point of the thought:

Looking ‘out there’.

Type of thought:

Beauty


Self-Forgiveness:

Self-Forgiveness on the thought:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought I have to look a certain way instead of realising I only have to be here as breath as life.

Self-Forgiveness on the trigger point of the thought:


I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect looking ‘out there’ to the thought I have to look a certain way instead of realising I only have to look within myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself looking ‘out there ‘ exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that I have to look a certain way.

Self-Forgiveness on the type of thought:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define beauty to an opposite manifestation in the world of ‘blackness’ and ‘uglyness’ and black metal guys and girls.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define beauty to a flower manifestation in the world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define beauty to the picture presentation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define beauty to the clothes I wear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define beauty to the makeup I wear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define beauty according to the picture of me when I stand in front of the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to wish to be beautiful as the models in magazines and on the ‘tele’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to perceive that I am not good enough without makeup.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to realise that this world is merely a holographic picture based reality and we merely exist as pictures in it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to see / realise / understand that “the eye wants also something” is a bull shit statement of the mind and thus the mind is wanting / needing something to feed from other people.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to perceive ‘femininity’ as beautiful instead of realising it is limiting me within the polarity equation of male-female.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to revolt against ‘ attractiveness’ with repulsiveness because I fear sex and sexuality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect beauty to ‘unsafety’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect beauty to ‘sex’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect beauty to ‘being harassed’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect beauty to ‘manipulation’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to accept myself - and I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only accept myself when wearing make-up
to attract or repulse other people to my liking, because that is the only way I accept myself is if I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to compare myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge myself as who I am , and because I judge myself, I would rather wear makeup to hide the judgement of me that exists within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hide myself by wearing makeup because I do not accept myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think that I a m not pretty enough, and that I am not beautiful enough, and that I am required to wear makeup to’ fit in’ with society and all the other women.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I look so ghastly, and so ugly, and so not acceptable, that I have to wear make-up to be acceptable. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want to wear make-up to be noticed.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to wear make-up as an ‘antenna’ for me to say, “I am here. I am here. I am here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that in wearing make-up for reasons and purposes separate from me, that is of the mind, I actually become older much faster and much quicker.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to accept my human physical body and my skin as one with me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that my human physical body might actually be showing me something if there are pimples and wrinkles and things all over my skin – and that I’m actually able to ‘correct’ this through self-forgiveness and self-application in every moment, so that my human physical body as me may express me as who I am within and as oneness and equality of life.



Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself defining beauty to an opposite manifestation in the world of ‘blackness’ and ‘uglyness’ and black metal guys and girls - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to define beauty to an opposite manifestation in the world of ‘blackness’ and ‘uglyness’ and black metal guys and girls. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participate in the thought I have to look a certain way - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to participate in the thought I have to look a certain way , because I realise myself that I only have to be here as breath as life.
Instead - I accept myself/embrace myself exactly as I am/look as and I am one with my physical body.

When and as I see myself connecting looking ‘out there’ to the thought I have to look a certain way for instead of realising I only have to look within myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect looking ‘out there’ to the thought I have to look a certain way instead of realising I only have to look within myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I realise myself looking ‘out there ‘ exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that I have to look a certain way - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself looking ‘out there ‘ exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that I have to look a certain way. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining beauty to a flower manifestation in the world - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to define beauty to a flower manifestation in the world. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining beauty to the picture presentation of myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to define beauty to the picture presentation of myself, because I realise I am not a picture. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining beauty to the clothes I wear - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to define beauty to the clothes I wear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining beauty to the makeup I wear - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to define beauty to the makeup I wear. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining beauty according to the picture of me when I stand in front of the mirror - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to define beauty according to the picture of me when I stand in front of the mirror. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself wishing to be beautiful as the models in magazines and on the ‘tele’ - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to wish to be beautiful as the models in magazines and on the ‘tele’. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I realise myself to perceive that I am not good enough without makeup - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to perceive that I am not good enough without makeup. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I realise myself that how we exist in this world is merely a holographic picture based reality and we merely exist as pictures in it - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to exist in this world as mere a holographic picture based reality and to exist as pictures in it. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participating in the statement “the eye wants also something” - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to participate in this mind statement and I do not allow and accept myself to feed from other people through my mind, because I realize this is a statement of the mind and within this the mind is feeding from other people. Instead - I direct myself facing my current reality and taking responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself perceiving ‘femininity’ as beautiful instead of realising it is limiting me within the polarity equation of male-female - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to perceive ‘femininity’ as beautiful instead of realising it is limiting me within the polarity equation of male-female. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself revolting against ‘ attractiveness’ with repulsiveness because I fear sex and sexuality - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to revolte against ‘ attractiveness’ with repulsiveness because I fear sex and sexuality. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting beauty to ‘unsafety’ - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect beauty to ‘unsafety’, because I realize I am not being self directive but directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I direct myself here as breath and accept myself/embrace myself exactly as I am/look as - as one with my physical body.

When and as I see myself connecting beauty to ‘sex’ - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect beauty to ‘sex’. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting beauty to ‘being harassed’ - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect beauty to ‘being harassed’. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting beauty to ‘manipulation’ - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect beauty to ‘manipulation’. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When an as I realise that I haven’t allowed and accept myself to accept myself - and when and as I realise myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only accept myself when wearing make-up to attract or repulse other people to my liking, because that is the only way I accept myself is if I wear makeup to be in control - I stop, I breathe -I do not accept and allow myself to only like myself when wearing makeup to be in control. Instead- I direct myself as here as breath and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I realise myself that I that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to accept myself - and the only way I accept myself is if I wear makeup - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to not accept myself - and to wear makeup to accept myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to compare myself to myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself judging myself as who I am , and because I judge myself, I would rather wear makeup to hide the judgement of me that exists within me - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to judge myself as who I am, because I realise I judge myself, and I do not accept and allow myself that I would rather wear makeup to hide the judgement of me that exists within me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself hiding myself by wearing makeup because I do not accept myself
- I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to hide myself by wearing makeup because I do not accept myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself thinking that I a m not pretty enough , and that I am not beautiful enough, and that I am required to wear makeup to’ fit in’ with society and all the other women - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to think that I a m not pretty enough , and that I am not beautiful enough, and that I am required to wear makeup to’ fit in’ with society and all the other women , because I realise that’s not who I am. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself believe that I look so ghastly, and so ugly, and so not acceptable, that I have to wear make-up to be acceptable - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to believe that I look so ghastly, and so ugly, and so not acceptable, that I have to wear make-up to be acceptable. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself wanting to wear make-up to be noticed - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to want to wear make-up to be noticed. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself wear make-up as an ‘antenna’ for me to say, “I am here. I am here. I am here - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to wear make-up as an ‘antenna’ for me to say, “I am here. I am here. I am here. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I realise myself that in wearing make-up for reasons and purposes separate from me, that is of the mind, I actually become older much faster and much quicker - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to wear make-up for reasons and purposes separate from me, that is of the mind. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself not accepting my human physical body and my skin as one with me - I stop, I breathe - I accept my human physical body and my skin as one with me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself separate myself from my human physical body - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to see myself separate myself from my human physical body. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I realise myself that my human physical body might actually be showing me something if there are pimples and wrinkles and things all over my skin – and that I’m actually able to ‘correct’ this through self-forgiveness and self-application in every moment, so that my human physical body as me may express me as who I am within and as oneness and equality of life - I stop, I breathe - I see / realise / understand that my human physical body might actually be showing me something if there are pimples and wrinkles and things all over my skin – and that I’m actually able to ‘correct’ this through self-forgiveness and self-application in every moment, so that my human physical body as me may express me as who I am within and as oneness and equality of life.


Emotion:(insecurity)

Specific type / ‘shade’ of emotion:

Anticipation.

Reason for connecting thought to emotion:


I realise that I am ‘stuck’ within my current experience and that is no other solution to solve what is bothering me as here specifying my Self-Forgiveness.

Getting insecure when thinking having to ‘look’ a certain way.




Self-Forgiveness

Self-Forgiveness on emotion:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that I have to look a certain way to an emotional experience of insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within an emotional experience of insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as insecure.


Self-Forgiveness on type / ‘shade’ of emotion:

I forgive myself that have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that I have to look a certain way to an emotional experience of anticipation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within an emotional experience of anticipation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to anticipate myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect ‘anticipation ‘ to insecurity.




Self-Forgiveness on connecting thought with emotion:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ‘stuck’ within my current experience.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in insecurity when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to look a certain way.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurity because I am bothering myself with the way I have to look.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience insecurity because I realise that there is no quick solution that will make everything better and will solve everything that is bothering me.


Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself connecting the thought that I have to look a certain way to an emotional experience of insecurity - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that I have to look a certain way to an emotional experience of fear, because I realise I am not defined by the way I look. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participating within an emotional experience of insecurity - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within an emotional experience of insecurity, because I realise I am not being self directive but being directed by emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself define myself as insecure - I stop I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself as insecure, because I realise myself that defining myself is limiting myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting the thought that I have to look a certain way to an emotional experience of anticipation - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that I have to look a certain way to an emotional experience of anticipation. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see participate within an emotional experience of anticipation - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within an emotional experience of anticipation, because I realise I am being directed by emotions and not being self directive here as breath. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself anticipating myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to anticipate myself, because I realise that who I am is here in every moment as self-attention. Instead - I direct myself and place myself here as self-attention.

When and as I see myself connecting ‘anticipation ‘ to insecurity - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect ‘anticipation ‘ to insecurity, because I realise I am not being self directive but being directed by the mind. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.
When and as I see myself being ‘stuck’ within my current experience - I stop, breathe - do not allow and accept myself to be ’stuck’ within my current experience. Instead - I direct myself here as who I am as life accepting nothing less of and as me here as all as one as equal.

When and as I see myself reacting in insecurity when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to look a certain way - I stop, I breathe -I do not allow and accept myself to react in insecurity when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to look a certain way, because I realise it’s just am emotion and not who I am as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself reacting in insecurity when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to look a certain way - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to react in insecurity when I am being confronted with the thought that I have to look a certain way, because I realise this a preprogrammed design and not who I am as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself going into an emotional experience of insecurity because I am bothering myself with the way I think have to look - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurity because I realise that I am bothering myself with the way I think I have to look. Instead - I direct myself here within equality and oneness of life.

When and as I see myself experiencing insecurity - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to because I realise that there is no quick solution that will make everything better and will solve everything that is bothering me.




Redefining word:

Non·con·form·i·ty noun

1. failure or refusal to conform, as with established customs, attitudes, or ideas.
2. lack of conformity or agreement.
3. ( often initial capital letter ) refusal to conform to the Church of England.
4. Geology . an unconformity that separates crystalline rocks, either igneous or metamorphic, from sedimentary rocks.


Origin:
1610–20; non- + conformity



New definition:

Nonconformity is living and expressing myself in liberty here within self honesty as all physical and non-physical forms in agreement with all that exist as myself.