Pagina's

woensdag 22 februari 2012

2012: My experience with the System Design of Happiness (DIP Assignment 7)

BLOG 3





So it’s all about aloneness.

Writing about my experience with the system design of happiness.

Happiness as being unhappy when our home is untidy and happy when our home is tidy.

So here and now - what is playing out within me as the mind and is hindering me here to do what is best for all is this nagging unequaled feeling towards my partner not taking responsibility for the household together. Because I did it all for him for about seven years and because of these acceptances and allowances within my world as my mind system I have build up all kinds of thoughts, feelings and emotions tucked away within my human physical body over the years of self interest /survival technique when he was slaving in the system / matrix and I was slaving in home. “Feeling inadequate” while inadequate in fact means ‘unequal’. Feeling proud of him that he was able to work such a hard job as a construction worker. Within this ‘feeling proud’ of him I completely allowed and accepted my mind to suppress myself: first I separate myself from the word ‘proud’ then place it on another as me to diminish me here as who I am as one and equal. Because I couldn’t go work in the system.

These supressions as resistance / strike / walkout within me doing the household are opening up to such an extent that I have to address it because in fact work is work. What do I do not take responsibility for then? For responsibility of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. For releasing my child supressions: the commonsense realisations I had as a child as questions to why the father figure and brother do not have to assist within the household? I had asked it but nobody had an answer to solve it = picking up the stuff that need to be done in the house instead of leaving the woman working 24/7 to the man 40 hours a week. The example set is then that the man has ‘no watching the house’ anymore after working hours instead of realising all is work.
I liked to help my mom although see wanted to do it herself also. That was and it the system - as I walk into here now. It’s my child hate / anger / frustrations why the other are not doing earth stuff - I called it - as if working in the system stuff is more. I have allowed it to become a polarity within me: house job versus matrix job. All is one and equal therefore the house job equals the matrix job.

This is now opening up because I took on the Desteni course and have less time at my hand to do it all myself and therefore have to ask H. to jump in. This is not as easy as it seems for me to ask him (‘ask my dad’ ) things in which I go in some kind of mind state of ‘being not able’ instead of staying here in an breath when asking the question. I put resonantly ‘more’ into my question to what he resonates quite extensively. I will change cause that will change all.

There is another polarity within this: Earth vs. system / body vs. head / Earth vs. heaven.

My starting point was most times THE EARTH law. So - this crehates an immense polarity / energy within me through my partner not living by this ‘law of earth’. This is what is here playing out between the male and me. For me it’s simple in plain sight here in the physical what can be done - so I have and use ’incomprehension’ as a tool to direct me, manipulate myself - in fact very frustrating and has become a habit of me as the mind here in home. That has to stop! The conflict within me having to show him love and the other spiting him for no self-direction. I (h)ate / spite myself for not applying self-direction AS love as who I am.

Heaven as the head abdicating responsibility for Earth as the home as the human physical body. As I go in my head / thoughts about H. abdicating his responsibility I am abdicating my responsibility for myself, for my thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus creating feeling / emotional energy that destroy my home as the physical as the earth.

I am thus in revolving within my mind about (not) doing house chores and this is NOT real and NOT supporting me as who I am as equal and one as the house chores. I t needs to be done - by whom does not matter. This point had to come and open up - sooner or later.

I DO NOT have to feel guilt - I stop guilt as guilt is not real. Taking responsibility for all as one as equal is what MATTERS.

I have a polarity relationship with my household - “I like my house chores - I hate my house chores”.

Within this I allow and accept time also being my directive instead of me directing me unconditionally here in doing what is best for all.

I am not honouring myself within reactions therefore not honouring him.

I realise that the man is here to stand back for me to stand up within myself as breath and taking responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and emotions.


Thoughts I can identify within my writing:

I am happy when the house is neat.

I am unhappy when the house isn’t spotless.

The home being clean is more important then we are.


Thought I’ll be working with:

I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless.


Other components:

Emotions: disappointment

Feelings: satisfaction


Words: (house) hold


The Thought:

Trigger point of the thought:

When one does not the cleaning after oneself.


Type of thought:

Happiness

Self-Forgiveness:

Self-Forgiveness on the thought:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought that I am not happy when the house is not spotless instead of experiencing myself, expressing myself as joy - to stand, live, express and experience myself as joy.

Self-Forgiveness on the trigger point of the thought:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect when one does not the cleaning after himself to the thought that I am not happy when the house isn’t spotless instead of realising that I am spotting myself within not stopping the thoughts and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself when one does not the cleaning after oneself to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that I am not happy when the house isn’t spotless.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have separated myself from the house as separate from me instead of realising I am equal and one as the house.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from the word house.

Self-Forgiveness on the type of thought:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that happiness exist.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself that happiness only exists, because sadness exist.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define happiness within laughter.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within happiness over our home.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be unhappy H. not out of himself partaking within keeping the place tidy.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience unhappiness measured by the state the house is in instead of experiencing and expressing myself as happiness as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be unhappy about the fact that I have to ask for help.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hide ‘unhappiness’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself for being unhappy with people with regards to the earth as our home not taking care of all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to want to see my partner happy.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed and accepted myself to see / realise / understand that I can not ‘make’ another one happy.

Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I realise myself the thought that I am not happy when the house is not spotless - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself the thought that I am unhappy when the house is not spotless, because I realise I am not experiencing myself, expressing myself as joy - to stand, live, express and experience myself as joy but experiencing thought and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting when one does not the cleaning after himself to the thought that I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect the thought that I am not happy when the house isn’t spotless instead of realising that I am spotting myself within not stopping the thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participating in the thought one should do the cleaning after himself exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that I am not happy when the house isn’t spotless - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself one should do the cleaning after oneself to exist as trigger point within me, which triggers the thought that I am not happy when the house isn’t spotless. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself having separated myself from the house as separate from me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to separate myself from the house as separate from me, because I realise I am equal and one as the house. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself separate myself from the word house - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to separate myself from the word house, because I realise that I am one and equal as the house. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participate within happiness over our home - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself participate within happiness over our home, because I realise happiness is who I am as life here as breath. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself to be disappointed with H. not out of himself partaking within keeping the place tidy - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to be disappointed with H. not out self himself partaking within the place tidy , because I realise that I am disappointed with myself within participating in thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself experiencing unhappiness measured by the state the house is in - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to experience unhappiness measured by the state the house is in, because I realise I am not this unhappiness. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself being unhappy about the fact that I have to ask for help - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to be unhappy about the fact that I have to ask for help, because I realise I am not being self directive, but directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I direct myself as breath here within asking for assistance.

When and as I see myself hide ‘unhappiness’ - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to hide ‘unhappiness’ , because I realise unhappiness does not really exist and I am only giving myself a charge through which I am not supporting myself as life. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me

When and as I see myself for being unhappy with people with regards to the earth as our home not taking care of all - I stop, I breath -I do not allow and accept myself being unhappy with people with regards to the earth as our home not taking care of all, because I realise Iam not taking care of all as myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me

When and as I see myself wanting to see my partner happy - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to want to see my partner happy, because I realise happiness has nothing to do with how anyone looks. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me

When and as I see myself participating in the belief I can make another person happy - I stop, I breath - I do not accept and allow myself to participate in the belief I can make another person happy, because I realise I have separated myself from the word happiness as what I am. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.


The emotion:

Disappointment

Specific type / ‘shade’ of emotion:

Dissatisfaction

Reason for connecting thought to emotion:


Getting dissatisfied when the house is not spotless.




Self-Forgiveness:

Self-Forgiveness on emotion:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless to an emotional experience of disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself to disappointment as what I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in disappointment towards H. when I see one not cleaning up after himself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react with disappointment towards another as myself when I see one does not the cleaning after oneself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in disappointment towards another as myself when I see one does not the cleaning after oneself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to exert disappointment towards H. instead of realising that this disappointment within me - has been manifested through participation of thoughts when I see one does not after oneself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted disappointment within me when I see one does not clean after oneself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted disappointment in another and thus validated the existence of disappointment within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be disappointed when the house is not perfectly clean.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as bad/stupid because I want the house to be clean.


Self-Forgiveness on type / ‘shade’ of emotion: (dissatisfaction)


I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought that I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless to n emotional experience of dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate within an emotional experience of dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be dissatisfied with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect ‘dissatisfaction’ to disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be disappointed with my partner for not cleaning after himself.


Self-Forgiveness on connecting thought to emotion:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ‘stuck ‘ within my current experience.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react in disappointment within thinking I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into an emotional experience of disappointment because I am dissatisfied with myself bothering myself with my partner not cleaning after himself out of himself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience disappointment because I realise that there is no quick solution that will make everything better and will solve everything that is bothering me.


Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself connecting the thought I am no happy when our home isn’t spotless to an emotional experience of disappointment - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect the thought I am not not happy when our home isn’t spotless to an emotional experience of disappointment. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining myself to disappointment as what I am - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to define myself to disappointment as what I am, because I realise who I a really am is not defined by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participate in disappointment towards H. when I see one not cleaning up after himself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate in disappointment towards H. when I see one is not cleaning up after oneself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself reacting in / with disappointment towards another as myself when I see one does not the cleaning after oneself - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to react in / with disappointment towards another as myself when I see one does not the cleaning after oneself, because I realise I am not being self directive but directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I direct myself within myself as breath stopping what I am experiencing through self application as me here.

When and as I see myself exerting disappointment towards H. when I see one does not the cleaning after oneself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to exert disappointment towards H., because I realise that this disappointment within me - has been manifested through participation of thoughts. Instead - I direct myself within stopping what I am experiencing through self application as me as breath here doing what best for all.

When and as I see disappointment within me when I see one does not clean after oneself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept disappointment within me when I see one does not clean after oneself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see disappointment in another and thus validated the existence of disappointment within me - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept disappointment in another and thus validating the existence of disappointment within me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself being disappointed when the house is not perfectly clean - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to be disappointed when the house is not perfectly clean. Instead - I realise that who I am is not defined by the state my house is in, nor by the emotion of disappointment - and I direct myself here as breath letting go of these limitations as definitions.

When and as I see myself defining wanting to have the house clean as stupid / bad - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to define wanting to have the house clean as ‘stupid’ / ‘bad’, because I realise I am not being self directive but judging myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting the thought that I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless to an emotional experience of dissatisfaction - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to connect the thought that I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless to an emotional experience of dissatisfaction. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself participating within an emotional experience of dissatisfaction - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to participate within an emotional experience of dissatisfaction. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself defining myself as dissatisfied with myself - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to define my self as dissatisfied with myself. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself connecting ‘dissatisfaction’ to disappointment - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to connect ‘dissatisfaction’ to disappointment. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself being disappointed with my partner for not cleaning after himself - - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to be disappointed with my partner - thus I do not allow and accept myself to be disappointed with myself, because I realise I am being disappointed with my own disappointment . Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself being ‘stuck ‘ within my current experience - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to be ‘stuck’ within my current experience. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and a I see myself reacting in disappointment within thinking that I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to react in disappointment within thinking that I am not happy when our home isn’t spotless, because I realise I am not directing myself here as breath, but I am being directed by thoughts and emotions. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me.

When and as I see myself going into an emotional experience of disappointment - I stop, I breathe - I do not accept and allow myself to go into an emotional experience of disappointment, because I realise I am dissatisfied with myself bothering myself with my partner not cleaning after himself out of himself. Instead - I do not allow and accept myself to be directed by disappointment and/or dissatisfaction and direct myself here as breath as all as one as equal within doing what’s best all.

When and as I see myself experiencing disappointment because there is no quick solution - I stop, I breathe - I do not allow and accept myself to experience disappointment, because I realise that there is no quick solution that will make everything better and will solve everything that is bothering me. Instead - I face my current reality and take responsibility for whatever it is that is bothering me .


Redefining word:

Definition: house·hold

noun
1.the people of a house collectively; a family including its servants.

adjective
2. of or pertaining to a household: household furniture.
3. for use in maintaining a home, especially for use in cooking, cleaning, laundering, repairing, etc., in the home: a household bleach.
4. common or usual; ordinary.


Origin:
1350–1400; Middle English houshold.



New definition:

Household is here where I stay within myself in and as breath within and as my human physical body as my living house.




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